Hurt
by DocMcRegals
Summary: Lyrics by Christina Aguilera...AU obviously; Addison finds the sonogram picture of she and Mark's aborted child who'd be 7 this year...refrences Maddison and Addisam...one shot


"**Hurt"**

**So this is another song-turned fanfic that just hit me…It fits perfectly with Addison's current situation…Addie gets a chance to talk to Ella (she and Mark's unborn baby), about her mistake of having the abortion, which makes this AU obviously…**

**Happy Reading,**

**Xoxo, Dee**

****Disclaimer: again I own nothing-except the scenario/storyline; all other credit goes to Shonda Rhimes and Christina Aguilera****

…

"_I aborted Mark's baby…Eight months ago I peed on a stick…I wasn't even gonna tell him, but then I did…he was so excited…he went out and got this Hanes Yankee onesie and a calendar and marked the due date, which by the way would be today…"_

"_We weren't good together Mark; you wanted to trump Derek, you wanted to win…We weren't a great couple, we would've been miserable together and you would've made…a terrible father…"_

"_My kid would've been 6 this year; a girl, I know it would've been a girl…she'd be in first grade…she'd have the same gap in between her teeth as me…I know that that may have been my one chance to get pregnant, but for me it was…the right decision at the time…_

She's surprised to find it. She thought she'd gotten rid of it or lost it somewhere between the move from Manhattan to Seattle. But somehow the small now faded sonogram picture rests in her hands. She wasn't looking for it, she was looking for an old photo Derek had asked her to send him and she just so happens to find it stuffed in a box of her old things from the brownstone she'd kept packed in her attic. She smiles softly as tears threaten to jump from her eyes as she looks at the tiny life and what could have been. She stares intently at the black and white picture as she envisions the face of the beautiful 7 year old daughter she and Mark would have. As the angelic like face she's spent the last 7 years dreaming of suddenly comes to life, Addison takes the time out to say all of the things she's wanted to say since the day she aborted:

_Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face,_

_He told me how proud he was but then I walked away_

_If only I knew, what I know today…_

_I would hold you in my arms; you would take our pain away_

_We would love you with all our hearts…and you'd forgive all of our mistakes _

_There's nothing we wouldn't do to hear your voice just once_

_Sometimes I wanna call you, but I know you won't be there_

_Oh, I'm sorry for, blaming you for everything I just couldn't do_

_And I blamed myself by hurting you…_

_Sometimes I feel broke inside but I won't admit_

_Sometimes I just wanna hide, cause it's you I miss _

_And it's so hard to say goodbye, when it comes to this_

_Would you tell me I was wrong?_

_Would you help me understand?_

_Are you looking down upon us? _

_Are you proud of who we are?_

_There's nothing I wouldn't do, to have just one more chance_

_To look into your eyes, and see you looking back _

_Oh, I'm sorry for, blaming you for everything I just couldn't do_

_And I blamed myself oh…_

_If I had just one more day_

_I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you went away_

_Oh it's dangerous, and so out of line to try and turn back time…_

_I'm sorry for, blaming you, for everything I just couldn't do…_

_And I blamed myself…by hurting you…_

"Addison?" her thoughts are broken away by a familiar voice

"Huh yeah Honey?" she asks turning to give her husband a warm smile

"You okay? You've been up here for a while" Sam says, his hands touching her now protruding baby bump that houses their son, a little boy they plan on naming Parker, Parker Grant Montgomery-Bennett

"Yeah, I'm…fine" she manages, carefully slipping the ultrasound picture into the back pocket of her jeans as she follows Sam back downstairs…

He's surprised when the guy sitting at the front desk hands him an envelope addressed to him. Almost instantly he notices _her _perfect handwriting. He nods politely and heads to the safety of his apartment to open her letter. He's surprised actually; Addison isn't one who opts for old fashioned letter writing, no, she's more of a high tech girl; anything she wants someone to know, she either: emails, calls, or texts the information she wants known; but they don't speak much these days; he hasn't really heard from her since she delivered Sofia, over a year ago. He keeps up with how she's doing though, Callie, whom she talks to on a weekly basis, and Bailey, and sometimes even Derek, whom she chats with occasionally; but she's never directly in contact with him, but she always sends him her love. Once he opens the envelope, his breath catches in the back of this throat and tears involuntarily threaten to release themselves as he stares down at an old crumpled ultra sound picture dated 7 years ago…its their kid; she'd kept the picture. On the back of the picture, she's scribbled in her perfect handwriting, a message for him:

_I was wrong (how often do you hear that coming from me!) You wouldn't have made a terrible father…I thought you might want this to go along with the onesie(because I know you still have it)…It's taken a long time, but…I've made my peace with it, what happened between us in New York…Ella, Ella Grace Forbes Montgomery-Sloan, that would've been her name(because I know it would've been a girl)…I really am sorry Mark, who knows maybe in another life, we would've ended up together with her…_

_-Addison_

This new found news prompts him to grab his cell phone and dial the number he's hand memorized since she left for LA nearly 5 years ago. He's surprised when she picks up after only the 3rd ring.

"I figured you'd call" she says calmly; it's a conversation she's prepared herself for; she's also not surprised by the silence that greets her on the other end of the phone

"Mark?" she hears what she thinks is Mark Sloan sobbing, but she doesn't dare let herself go there because Mark's not the crying type.

"Ella…" is the only word he can muster up after about 10 minutes of deafening silence

"Yeah"

"How, how'd you know I kept the…the onesie" he manages

"I know you Mark"

"So you really think we would've had a shot?"

"If things were different…yes, we would've had a shot" she tells him; they spend the next 4 hours speaking of the blonde haired daughter that would be 7 this year…

They think of her often and call each other on her birthday…

They never blame each other for what happened in New York again…

Just knowing that she regrets it as much as he does makes them even in his book…

And the story of Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery and Mark Andrew Sloan and what could've been comes to a close, finally allowing them to move on, but they are forever connected by Ella Grace Forbes Montgomery-Sloan…


End file.
